A Close Shave


BILLY'S CONTRACT



Monkey Business continues its quest of helping our readers by making everyday savings to effectively acquire their 2021/22 season ticket for free. Don't believe us? Read on...

The following should be read aloud to loud, cheesy K.Tel record type music with a shouty ad man reading the script (A Saul Goodman type from Breaking Bad or Donald Trump would be ideal.)

Men, as well as women (MB is not a misogynist publication), why not grow a beard?

No more expensive razor blades, shaving foam or after shave to pay for, and for those with a water meter, think of the lower water usage which means smaller bills (but job losses at Hartlepool Water Company.)

Just for a moment consider the double 'savings on shaving'. Not only are you saving £££££££s but you are also saving the planet by consuming less water every morning.
"For those without central heating just think of the cost savings on sea-coal."

The obvious benefit of having a beard is it will keep your face warm in the winter months which means that you will be able to turn your central heating down a notch or two, thus once again saving on heating bills and doing your bit for mankind/womankind and the environment.

For those without central heating just think of the cost savings on sea-coal.

I estimate that a beard worn for twelve months would save the wearer in excess of £100.

Over the last three editions of M.B. we have shown readers how they can make massive savings on consumer goods and services on a grand scale to such a point that Poolies should now be able to cover the cost of a 2021/22 standing season ticket as well as a pie and two pints of lager and a lottery ticket.

As Oscar Wilde once said: 'All of us are in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars', which roughly translated means: Why be content to be standing on the terraces at the Vic when we can aim for the executive boxes?

Let's see what further savings we can make for you loyal Poolie fans. Same time, same channel next month for more gross* savings.

* We don't want them to be too gross, though - this is a family publication - Ed.

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