More Football Lists

compiled by SHEDRICK


Running Scared 

Here We Go Again 

Only the Lonely
Smoggie Mountain Lockdown
Eve of Destruction
All By Myself
Blaydon Races (cancelled) 


Don’t Stand so Close to Me
The Pub with no Beer 

With Love from Three to Two (Lennon/McCartney/Johnson) 


Plundering the depths of the FA Trophy Competition brought a few interesting club names to light. They may be more familiar to MB readers than to me as I live in the elitist sheltered protectionist bubble more commonly known as The Premiership. 

City of Liverpool 
– wonder if they play in blue and red stripes? 

FC Romania 
– fixation with the Italian capital or eastern European, either way they’ll be gone after Brexit. 

Newcastle Town 
– distinguishable from THE Toon (Army) by replacing the salutation “hinny” with the word “duck”. 

Pontefract Collieries 
– who needs floodlights when you’ve got a light on your hat? 

Runcorn Linnets 
– Cheshire’s answer to The Spice Girls? 

Cray Valley Paper Mills 
– always play with a high press (which we used to call 'tight marking' or 'reckless' in the old days, depending on whether you were winning or losing). 


In more innocent times songs didn’t have double-entendres and non-fitted carpets more easily facilitated having things swept under them. How different are things now – 

Two Little Boys are asymptomatic and have been taken into care; they are due compensation but can’t tell what it is yet. 

A kangaroo was unable to escape the bush fires as someone had tied it down.  

An errant boomerang did finally come back. Burning brightly over Melbourne it set fire to the local football club’s “Charlie Stand”. Local youths, unaware of comedian Charlie Drake's hit record, thought it was named after their night-time habits!

A swagman has been moved into Covid-secure housing as his tent cannot be touched for 14 days. 

RTZ have won the contract to fill in all the billabongs with mining waste to discourage wild swimming. 

Waltzing Matilda is now banned as it contravenes Covid regulations and more seriously it makes gender assumptions.

Front Page