Jon Gets a Tattoo

Another Janice and Jon story from SHEDRICK

Janice had an appointment at the hairdressers, she told Jon he would have to amuse himself for a couple of hours and gave him £5 to get himself a cup of tea and a cup cake at the corner café. 

Jon liked cup-cakes; see his fillings when he smiles. 

On the way to the café he passed the tattoo parlour. Janice had always warned him not to go in as nice people didn’t go there. Jon looked at the artwork in the window and liked the colourful pictures of ladies who all seemed to be trying to do the splits. 

A voice said “come on in, we won’t bite.” It was Miss Pin, whom Jon had often seen talking to motorcyclists. Jon told her he liked art and she said it wouldn’t hurt for him to have a closer look. Some of the ladies in the paintings did not have clothes on. 

Jon was getting hot so he took off his duffle coat and scarf. Miss Pin saw Jon’s scarf. “Oh you support Pools”, she said. “Yes” said Jon I like to let everyone know so I wear my scarf everywhere I go.” 

“That must get a bit hot in summer” said Miss Pin; if you had a nice 'Pools' tattoo across your chest you could leave your scarf at home and take off your shirt like those Toon Army fans do.”

I’d better not” said Jon, “I have to keep covered up because of my asthma, and a tattoo would be too expensive. I only have five pounds.”  

“I could do a small monkey on your arm instead”, said Miss Pin, “so people would know you are a monkey-hanger, and it would only take a few minutes.” 

Jon declined her offer as he thought it would hurt. Do you know what it is like to be a wimp? Jon does. 

Jon went for his cup of tea and met Janice later outside the hairdressers. 

“Did you manage to occupy yourself?” she asked. “Yes” said Jon, “Miss Pin stopped me and took me inside for a closer look at her pretty ladies. I took off my coat and she said if I took off my shirt as well I could have a big one. 

I told her I get out of breath and only had five pounds, she said I could make do with a small monkey and I could keep my vest on. 

Janet pulled a hair grip out of her new perm and stabbed Jon with it. 

He was glad he hadn’t gone ahead with a full tattoo if it hurts that much.