The Poolie Festive Songbook
Compiled by BILL THE BIRO
Here are some excerpts from 'The Poolie Festive Songbook', which is newly published by Hartlepool University Press at £12.99, and only available online from www. bizzco.co.uk
23 I Saw Three Clubs
I saw three clubs from the North-East,
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
I saw three clubs from the North-East,
On Match of the Day in the evening.
But that was a decade ago at least,
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
But that was a decade ago at least,
On Match of the Day in the evening.
Their places they will always swap,
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
One promoted one for the drop,
On Match of the Day in the evening.
They think that they are 'The Big Three',
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
How long before all three we see,
On Match of the Day in the evening?
35 Coventry Carol
Lully lullay thou little shrunken club,
By-bye lully lullay.
That folk once liked but now they snub,
By-bye lully lullay.
Your stadium's too grand today,
By-bye lully lullay.
You share with Wasps to make it pay,
By-bye lully lullay.
The days of Houchen years ago,
By-bye lully lullay
Will they return? We think No!
By-bye lully lullay.
They'll not return,
By-bye lully lullay.
38 The Poolies and the Smoggies
The Poolies and the Smoggies,
When they are both full grown.
Of all the clubs in Tees valley,
The Poolies take the crown.
The rising up to League One,
And the falling back again,
And just like us they know their place,
In the Prem. they won't remain.
41 We, the Kings
We, the kings of taxation are.
Pay your tax or we'll have your car.
If you're tardy we'll get mardy,
You know that we won't say ta!
Oh...
Where's our money, where's our dosh?
Where's our money, where's our dosh?
We'd send the boys round with a cosh.
But they won't let us, solicitors' letters,
Are what we use, being posh.
But if you still don't give us our dues,
A winding up petition we'll use.
There's nothing to it, you bet we'll do it.
The whole bloody lot you'll lose!
Oh...
Where's our money, where's our dosh?
Where's our money, where's our dosh?
We'd send the boys round with a cosh
But they won't let us, solicitors' letters
Are what we use, being posh.
45 O Little Club of Hartlepool
O little club of Hartlepool,
How low we see thee lie.
You cash all gone, will you go on,
Or will you have to die?
Yet thy dark news telleth,
To every Poolie fan,
The dreads and fears of many years,
Continue to go on.
You thought that funds you'd raiseth.
A million for Nathan.
But he got crocked, which left you shocked,
Screwed up your business plan.
Yet thy dark news telleth,
To every Poolie fan,
The dreads and fears of many years,
Continue to go on.
52 Once in Dimi's Smoggie City
Once in Dimi's Smoggie city,
Stood a lowly empty shop,
Where a goalie built a restaurant,
To serve Greek food, a tenner a pop.
The first of many, to hear him talk,
He wants to run before he can walk
63 While Poolies Watched
With five mins left to play
They nervously looked at the bench
Please, no more subs today
For they had seen it all before
Defence is coping well
They make a change and straight away
The whole thing goes to hell
68 The First Newell
The first Newell knew of what we had done
Was when he'd left the pitch after Scunny had won
They not only won, they with us wiped the floor
So being promoted was a shock that's for sure
Newell, Newell, Newell, Newell
Got us promoted, but he couldn't tell
Newell, Newell, Newell, Newell
For losing that championship we gave him hell
74 See Amid the January Snow
See amid the January snow
Transfer window, off we go
Pools won't join the frantic quest
Think their squad will stand the test
We think that it's all hype and spin
We think their cashbox has nowt in
They haven't got a penny left
Of cash for players they're bereft
78 Away Wins Spell Danger
Away wins spell danger
It has to be said
You think you're world-beaters
And it goes to your head
And next week you will prove that
It's no flash in the pan
But your opposition
Has a different plan
93 The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the ... day of Christmas my true love sent to me:
1 a monkey that hung from a tree
2 two Pools gloves and
3 three Shearer paintings
4 four season tickets
5 ...five phones that ring
6 six ketchup sachets
7 seven ancient programmes
8 eight ticket stubs
9 nine plastic pintpots
10 ten Monkey Bizzes
11 eleven lottery tickets
12 twelve months of grief