Football Shorts

Some snippets from BILLY'S CONTRACT

I was amazed to see the following headline in the Hartlepool Mail earlier this week which read: Revealed! Hartlepool United fans to dress up as Storm troopers for Plymouth Argyle match.

I bet many readers, particularly Vladimir Putin and Angela Merkel, sat up when they first read this. I was a bit disappointed when I realised that this year's fancy dress theme was to be based on Star Wars Stormtroopers as opposed to to any other particular stormtroopers.  Am I alone, the only person in Britain who has never seen Star Wars ...or Rocky ...or Back to the Future ...or Neighbours ...or East Enders, The X factor, or Britain's Got No Talent. (Life's too short!)  I once thought that I had seen the Wizard of Oz but that turned out to be Joel Porter and not the film.

My Uncle fought at El  Alamein during the second world war and I thought it would be a fitting tribute to him and his comrades in The Afrika Corps to wear his old Wehrmacht uniform down at Plymouth, until I discovered that the Mail were talking about a completely different set of Stormtroopers altogether.

Commendable as the intention is, I still cannot grasp why the club is renaming the Town End The Prostate Cancer End. Over time I can see other stands at the Vic following suit.

The Mill House Stand becoming the Mental Health Stand for obvious reasons.
The Cyril Knowles becoming Cardiac Arrest Stand for even more obvious reasons and the Rink End becoming The Ladies' Troubles  Area.

Already I am having visions of fans on stretchers and trolleys and saline drips as well as a four-hour wait trying to get into the ground ...which would only be ten minutes longer than it currently is for a big match.

Knowing Pools' luck, the One Life centre in the town will start re-directing patients to the Vic instead of North Tees Hospital.

Interesting to see that Stuart Parnaby is joining the back-room medical staff at the  Vic. I am not sure what his role will entail as the medical side of things seems to be well catered for. Perhaps due to his long history of injuries he could be employed as a patient or a wall chart to assist the medics diagnose what his injuries might be. Goodness knows he has had plenty of them.  

On match days he could perhaps assist the St. John Ambulance when they have to use the stretcher to carry an injured player from the pitch, however I could see him turning over on his ankle, straining his back or pulling a muscle as he carries out this task and ending up alongside the injured player on the stretcher himself.