Any Other Business

 This simple quiz devised by KT POOLIE reveals your true allegiance

EVERY club’s supporters think they are the best. Only Poolies know the truth, of course, but are you really a Poolie? 

Take our scientifically verified quiz based on five probing questions which will prove beyond doubt where your allegiance lies.

1. Do you think Pools are hopeless? 
a) No, I don’t, most of the players are honest lads doing what they can to earn a living doing something most would jump at the chance of. Things have been worse.
b) Not all of the players, no. I slag them all off before their first game to keep them on their toes and let’s face it if they were any good they’d be playing elsewhere.
c) Yes. I’ve never seen them play but my knowledge and love of football is superior to others. I need to see aesthetic beauty to appreciate the game.
d) Good local players can’t get a job at Pools for the likes of Greek goalkeepers, Dutch wingers and now Italian defenders. Let’s have a quota system.

2. Do you think Pools would be better off as a feeder club?
a) No. I prefer to see us giving young players a chance, especially local ones. Loanees have their place but the whole transfer/loan window is ridiculous.
b) Yes, anything to keep the club competitive. Even being a Boro nursery beats the current position. c) Yes, it’s the natural order of things. Those clubs with the richest Middle East chairman deserve to mop up all the players.
d) Yes, as long as we guarantee local players a place over European migrants. A kind of British football apprenticeship is needed.

3. Do you think every opposition side gets “lucky breaks” when they come to Pools because no one likes us?
a) Yes, and I also think the standard of refereeing leaves a lot to be desired. Then there’s the travel and the authorities – it is all conspired against us.
 b) Of course not. Over the season luck and bad decisions even themselves out. I don’t believe that but I’m just saying it to sound vaguely reasonable. Bastards.
c) No. That’s ridiculous. Obviously things need to be weighted to favour the better sides, like direct entry into the 3rd round of the Cup.
d) Yes, it’s embedded in the European Treaty and is another reason for tell Frau Jean-Claude Juncker to clear off. And why has she got a man’s middle name?

4. Have you ever used the term “Sort it out Turner/Wadsworth/Barron/Cooper/Barron/
Hughes/Cooper/Murray?” * 
a) No. The doctor says I must keep calm. That kind of behaviour gave me a strangulated hernia during the Bobby Moncur season.
b) Yes, I use it all the time, win, lose or draw. But to be fair, never in the first two minutes. Give the young ‘uns time to settle, is my philosophy.
c) No, although I can get frustrated like any fan. I don’t usually leave the box for the second half anyway.
d) No, those names seem alright to me. And anyway the phrase is Kick ‘em out... * Delete as appropriate. [Note to Editor: If things change again before publication, please amend]

5. Do you think there is something intrinsically depraved about picking a club to support based on its success when you have a hometown team?
a) Yes, I find it deeply embarrassing.
b) Sort of, although my lads wear Newcastle shirts for dress-down Fridays – I do worry about bullying! And of course I have a Barcelona shirt for me holidays.
c) No, it’s just in my nature to gorge on only the finest things. I see joy in Liverpool of the 80s then Man Utd and now Chelsea.
d) No, although everyone should support Engerland. And until we leave the EU, its important for player's to be able to speak are language good.

How did you score?
Mostly ‘a': You’re an older Poolie, who has watched some awful 1970s Hartlepool teams. Slightly deluded, your heart’s in the right place.
Mostly ‘b': You’re probably a younger Poolie. In a few years time you will look back at the current team with fondness while searching for directions to Barwell FC.
Mostly ‘c': You’re not a Poolie. You follow one of the teams in the Premier League. Check the current table to see who it is.
Mostly ‘d': You’re a UKIP supporter who’s clicked on the MonkeyBizz link instead of the Daily Mail’s survey: How should we treat the scrounging immigrants?