Age Old Problem

BILLY'S CONTRACT on journalism

Colin Cooper is forty six years old.
How do I know that?
Every night in the Hartlepool Fail whenever Colin Cooper's name is mentioned in said newspaper they always always insist on inserting somewhere in whatever article that they are writing up on him is his age. Which by the way is 46. 

Has any one else noticed this or is it just me? In fairness Cooper is not the exception; the same over time has pretty much applied to all previous Hartlepool United mangers and players alike.

I am not sure if it is a standing 'IN' joke amongst the Mail's sports writers to included his age in everything that is written about him, or it is just an excuse to fill column inches.

It reminded me of my school days when you were asked to write an essay of 700 words or so on what you did on your holidays. This would be a major problem for me, to put so many words down on paper on one subject. Basically It was Dog Day Afternoon for me during the six-week summer break from school ...every day was pretty much the same. Get up late then at midday trot off to the 'Tri'* on the Town Moor for a game of 35-a-side football which only finished when it was too dark to play or the tide came in!
In retrospect when writing my English essay if I included the age of everyone who took part in these epic windswept matches In the Ancient Borough I would have had little or no problem committing 750 words to paper about my summer holidays.
"a game of 35-a-side football which only finished when it was too dark to play or the tide came in!"

The Mail having read this will realise Monkey Business have sussed them out about their 'Padding out' of their sports column. As a result I am guessing that they will now drop the age theme/obsession and will in future concentrate on using other superfluous wording for other characteristics of the person of whom they write.

I can image the next article Sports Mail write on Colin Cooper will be something in the following vein.
The middle aged, Piscean, ex-Nottingham Forest and Sunderland train-spotting, science-fiction-reading defender...

Oh how I laughed during the half time interval of the match against Torquay United when over the P.A. it was announced that that day was none other than Colin Cooper's birthday. Make a note of the date in your diaries dear readers - CC's birthday is the first of March.

I hope that the Mail took note of this announcement because for the first time in 'giddy yonks' I will rush out on Monday and part with 60 English pence to purchase a copy of that Sheffield-printed paper to see if they have in their write-ups on Pools upgraded Colin Cooper's age from 46 to 47. If not there will be a strongly worded letter to the Editor ...signed "Disgusted 60-year-old" of Billingham.

P.S. Happy Birthday Mr Cooper.

* For the benefit of non-Headlanders 'Tri' was short for 'Triangle'.