MB50 Monkey Business No. 50 Aug/Sep 2000
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the Spite Girls

Has-been signs for Boro

Yet another washed up former international this week signed for Middlesbrough Football Club. Methodist Camembert, 42, said today "Eet eez a grate pleasure to sign for Burrow, mainly becoz I ave erd zat eet eez near to Hartlepool with its' spectacular coastline, wunnerful shops, appening night life and eestoric quay"

Camembert, 74, will join a host of stars in the so-called "team of the eighties". They include Paul Wince, Methodist Ziggy, Junoifhesfit, George Hamilton IV and Pally Garrister and, until very recently, Paul "Wazza" Gascoigne.

Most excitement on Teesside is reserved for the player's gorgeous wife Vodka Stolichnya. The top model is said to be overjoyed at the move. "I'm tired of success and want to get away from it all. What better place to do it than Middlesbrough."

Manager Bryan Robson, widely acclaimed as the least talented manager in the Premiership, claims that his management style echoes his playing style. "As a player," he droned, "I always used to catch players just after the ball had gone. Now I catch them just after their best days have gone."

Wallace & Gromit

AMAZING ANAGRAMS

Here is a contribution from an anonymous friend of mine and via the internet.

Some of them are football related, others just amazing.

H'Angus - H. U. snag

Gary Strodder -- Gary's trod: Red!

Chris Freestone -- Rent, if he scores

Martin Hollund -- I'll turn. Oh, damn!

Marco Gabbiadini -- I am a big rabid con

Diego Maradona -- O dear, I'm a gonad

Dame Agatha Christie -- I am a right death case

Benson and Hedges -- NHS: been a godsend >

Mel Gibson -- Big melons

Chris Rea -- Rich arse

Selina Scott -- Elastic snot

Martina Navratilova -- Variant, rival to a man

Gabriela Sabatini -- Insatiable airbag

Irritable Bowel Syndrome -- O my terrible drains Below

Evangelist -- Evil's agent

Desperation -- A rope ends it

The Morse Code -- Here come dots

Mother-in-law -- Hitler woman

Semolina -- Is no meal

A Decimal Point -- I'm a dot in place

Eleven plus two -- Twelve plus one

Motorway Service Station -- I eat coronary vomit stews

And a final one ...

President Clinton of the USA -- To copulate, he finds interns

Gerry's Hanky