Monkey Business No. 46 August 1999

New Feethams plan unveiled

Artist's impression of the proposed luxury New Feethams Stadium, which includes recessed lighting, a unique open-air swimming pool (with diving board) built into the roof, wipedown surfaces throughout and plenty of storage space.

Artist's impression of the proposed luxury New Feethams Stadium, which includes recessed lighting, a unique open-air swimming pool (with diving board) built into the roof, wipedown surfaces throughout and plenty of storage space.

Further details have been revealed of the 25,000 capacity stadium being funded by new Darlington F.C. chairman, fitted kitchens multi-millionaire George Reynolds.

lnternational stadium design experts Top Drawer Design have been working flat-out for the last few weeks preparing the plans to create a stadium to rival the Riverside Stadium and the Stadium of Light.

At a press-conference, architect Mr. Tristan Top-Drawer announced that the scheme would be one of which both town and club could be proud. It includes the Iast word in stadium features, such as giant-screen TV (so that Corrie fans can now go to night matches), and even a roof over visiting supporters (to make Hartlepool fans feeI more at home).

The pitch wilI be seeded with geneticalIy-modified grass which is resistant to water-logging. We are assured that spectators will soon get used to the purple grass, the glow of which wiII also provide additional illumination for night matches.

The new stadium will be all seated. (There will even be seats on the toilets!) However, as a link with the past, the designers have deliberately incorporated a shallow ornamental paddling pool in the gents.

Local planning chief Mr. George Stephenson said "We are really chuffed at the proposals, and we will do all we can to see the scheme goes full-steam ahead" The proposals have been welcomed by Darlo fans, who for years have had to suffer the indignity of having a worse ground than Hartlepool United. Darlington manager David Hodgson said "I almost tired of blaming Feethams for our failure to get promoted this season, so I'm really looking forward to blaming the new ground next year".

Mr. Top-Drawer announced that the club were now awaiting tenders. It is hoped that once they have all been received, these fire tenders will enable Feethams to be pumped dry should it flood yet again before the new stadium is completed. The new stadium is expected to be ready in time for Darlington's first match in Division Two in August 2000, or failing that, for Darlington's first ever "White Elephant Festival", to be held on a date to be announced.