Jon Collects for Pools



Another Janice and Jon story from SHEDRICK




Janice had a friend coming round for coffee, and she wanted Jon out of the house. “Jon” she shouted, “Are you going to take your bucket down to York Road to collect some donations?” 

She didn’t say anything sarcastic as she knew what it was like to waste a life supporting a lost cause, but thought it best that Jon learnt this lesson for himself. 

Jon pulled on his Pools shirt over the top of his anorak, and put on his acrylic hat and gloves. He gingerly tugged the handle to close the door behind him and jumped as a spark ran up his arm.

It wasn’t long before he reached the shopping centre. He found a spot near the bus stops and began to shout "Give Money to Save Pools". But everyone ignored him.

So then he stood on a bench and tried again, but again everyone ignored him. And try as he might, his small frame and his quiet voice couldn't attract anyone's attention, let alone collect any money.

But he was noticed by kind Mrs Miggins, who saw Jon shivering on the street corner and brought him out a sausage roll from her pastry shop, and put her XXXXL jacket around Jon’s shoulder. She needed a big size as she checks the quality of her produce daily. 

Jon told her he was trying to save the football club from bankruptcy and Mrs Miggins snorted loudly, “That tickles me, you should go up to Monkey Business and tell them what you are doing, they like a good laugh.” 

She put two bob into Jon’s bucket as a thank-you for cheering her up, and went back to re-check the quality of her pasties. 

Jon thought he'd collected enough for one day, and decided to come back again tomorrow with a megaphone.

Jon arrived home just as Janice’s friend was leaving. He deliberately left the door open. Janice tutted at him and pulled it shut. 

“How did you get on Jon?” she asked. “Well, Mrs Miggins came over and said she always found a hot sausage comforting on a windy day. She said she needed a big one because of all the pies she has to eat. It kept us both warm and then she thanked me for tickling her.” 

Have you seen an acrylic hat pulled down so hard it sends sparks across the floor? Jon has.