May 12, 2017

Who Killed Bambi?

Who Killed Bambi?



by JANE AUSTEN'S ALLEGRO




I know that at this depressing time talk of a new club badge is not top of the list of priorities for most Hartlepool United supporters but in order to have next seasons shirts logoed up the club needs to get a move on if they want to have them available for sale in the club shop prior to next seasons kick off. 

I have previously stated in this magazine that I am not a lover of the club's current badge therefore I was delighted when it was announced that the club was looking to change the existing crest in favour of something different. I was all for that but having seen what is on offer I would rather stick with what we have got and that is saying a lot.

"in reality they just took a 1p coin and drew around it - for which they could then charge another five grand. Ker Ching."
The fans have been given a choice of 5 designs to choose from, on which to vote for their final choice. Presumably the badge with the most votes will adorn the club shirts and merchandising next season, which is all being brought 'in house'.

The only problem I and many other people that I have spoken to have is that the designs look very basic and are so cheap and nasty that they look as if they have been cobbled together on a Sinclair Spectrum Mk. 1 computer. Basically they are rubbish and and not fit for purpose and that is being polite.

Take badges number one to three. All are very much variations on the same theme, no imagination whatsoever and offering little or no choice to the voter. They all look very similar bar a tweak and squeak here and there. In fact they look as if they have been taken from the old Hartlepool Corporation blue buses and bin lorries of years gone by. I would suggest that unless the Borough Council are going to take over the running of the club I cannot see the point of this logo.

All three Crests feature a startled-looking effete Bambi-esque fawn in supplication prior to it being shot. It would have enhanced the badge dramatically if it had been super-imposed with a hunter's gunsight over it. [see front cover page - Ed.] 

Crest number four is called Triangle. The stag is contained within a triangle which is obviously too small as the animal's nose is squashed up against the left hand side of it. I nearly reported this to the RSPCA but Pools are in enough trouble as it is already.

Finally, this logo is called Sail and apparently the designer informs us that it is inspired by the sails on HMS Trincomalee. Has anyone in the town seen the sails on the Trincomalee? I for one haven't. I saw HMS Foudroyant (aka Trincomalee) when it was first towed into the port of Hartlepool all those years ago and it didn't even have any bloody masts on it at the time, let alone sails. It looks as if the deer is blowing it's nose on the side of the so-called sail. Nul points.

They really make me laugh these arty types with their various interpretations of the bleeding obvious.

Badges numbered one to three named Shield (doesn't even look like a shield) Classic and Cannon respectively. We are told that the colouring is based on the limestone of the Headland and the Town wall and that of St Hilda's Church. Ker Ching! That will be an extra ten grand for that. Tommy rot.

If asked why these badges are circular in form I can almost here Crispin and Penelope at the art college sipping their Starbucks and saying "Just tell Hartlepool United that they represent the circle of life", when in reality they just took a 1p coin and drew around it - for which they could then charge another five grand. Ker Ching.

The last badge is called Diamond ...because it is ...err, diamond-shaped but with the HUFC lettering all over the place. Minus Nul points.

To me the badge should be something bold in appearance and somewhat aggresive. Look at all the clubs that have Lions emblazoned on their shirts such as Millwall and Chelsea. The beasts are not laid on their backs looking for a tickle but rampant and in your face. I'm surprised that the club did not come up with eight deer pulling a sledge with Santa Claus on it (and a Hartlepool Corporation bus underneath it.)

I fear that the winning logo will depict Gary Coxall sat down in his execuctive swivel chair, feet on his desk with a raised glass of wine and cigar in one hand, looking out of his office window with a big cheesy grin, surveying a massive housing estate called Victoria Park and behind him mounted on the wall above his head is an antlered hart with a plaque hanging from its neck with the legend "HUFC 1908-2017".

Which logo will I be voting for? A bit like the recent vote for the Team Valley mayor, I will be giving it a miss. Didn't want it.