February 03, 2017

Any Other Business

Any Other Business



MERVYN THE MONKEY mops up


POOLS' FINANCES

The situation with regard to Pools' finances doesn't seem to have changed much since last month. They're still having to go to the High Court on February 6th for another winding-up petition.

Yet again another January transfer window has gone by with Pools worse off at the end of it, and this time the division's team sleepwalking to relegation looks as if it could be us.

Following the turnaround in fortune caused by Sam Collins' latest managerial outing, normal service was resumed at Newport once Pools had another permanent manager in place. Consistently inconsistent, that's Pools.

The strugglers have all made signings, but yet again another January transfer window has gone by with Pools worse off at the end of it. And this time the team sleepwalking to relegation looks as if it could be us, if the club lasts that long. 


FAKE NEWS

Of late this has become a hot topic, with the internet becoming flooded with lies disguised as news. It's becoming such a problem that election results are being questioned due to fake news having swayed the electorate. The likes of Facebook and newspapers are having to vet stuff more thoroughly to ensure this stuff doesn't get out, or at least is quickly dealt with.

We at Monkey Business are proud of our history of creating fake news, spoof stories, ads and whatever, and wish to reassure readers that we will continue to do so. However these have always been and will always continue to be obvious fakes.


SOME FOOTY JOKES from Tony B
Player, one-on-one with the goalie- "In all the excitement I can’t rightly remember whether I have missed five or six chances today so you have to ask yourself, “Do you feel lucky, punk?”
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Manager- “Yes we’re rebuilding the team from scratch. We’ve installed goal-line technology across the half-way line and will move it up as and when”.
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Manager to Coach- “ That psychology book was very useful. Apparently when our striker finally manages to bundle the ball over the line we are not supposed to say “Which part of your useless body did the ball bounce off?”
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Son to Dad- “If they are not even worth ten bob in old money why do you pay £30 a week to go and see them?"
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Tactics- “If they all come up for a corner, you stay on the half-way line and we’ll boot the ball up to you. Run up to their penalty area, the keeper will run out, just lob the ball over him” 
“But Boss, how does the ball get from the halfway line to their penalty area?”
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Striker- “You’ve scored, why so glum?” 
“It’s been so long, we’ve forgotten the moves for our celebration”.