December 02, 2016

The Poolie Festive Songbook

The Poolie Festive Songbook


Compiled by BILL THE BIRO


Here are some excerpts from 'The Poolie Festive Songbook', which is newly published by Hartlepool University Press at £12.99, and only available online from www. bizzco.co.uk

23  I Saw Three Clubs 

I saw three clubs from the North-East,
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
I saw three clubs from the North-East,
On Match of the Day in the evening.

But that was a decade ago at least,
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
But that was a decade ago at least,
On Match of the Day in the evening.

Their places they will always swap,
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
One promoted one for the drop,
On Match of the Day in the evening.

They think that they are 'The Big Three',
On Match of the Day, on Match of the Day.
How long before all three we see,
On Match of the Day in the evening?

35 Coventry Carol

Lully lullay thou little shrunken club,
By-bye lully lullay.
That folk once liked but now they snub,
By-bye lully lullay.

Your stadium's too grand today,
By-bye lully lullay.
You share with Wasps to make it pay,
By-bye lully lullay.

The days of Houchen years ago,
By-bye lully lullay
Will they return? We think No!
By-bye lully lullay.

They'll not return,
By-bye lully lullay.

38 The Poolies and the Smoggies

The Poolies and the Smoggies,
When they are both full grown.
Of all the clubs in Tees valley,
The Poolies take the crown.

The rising up to League One,
And the falling back again,
And just like us they know their place,
In the Prem. they won't remain.

41 We, the Kings

We, the kings of taxation are.
Pay your tax or we'll have your car.
If you're tardy we'll get mardy,
You know that we won't say ta!

     Oh...
     Where's our money, where's our dosh?
We'd send the boys round with a cosh.
But they won't let us, solicitors' letters,
Are what we use, being posh.

But if you still don't give us our dues,
A winding up petition we'll use.
There's nothing to it, you bet we'll do it.
The whole bloody lot you'll lose!

Oh...
     Where's our money, where's our dosh?
We'd send the boys round with a cosh
But they won't let us, solicitors' letters
Are what we use, being posh.

45 O Little Club of Hartlepool

O little club of Hartlepool,
How low we see thee lie.
You cash all gone, will you go on,
Or will you have to die?

Yet thy dark news telleth,
To every Poolie fan,
The dreads and fears of many years,
Continue to go on.

You thought that funds you'd raiseth.
A million for Nathan.
But he got crocked, which left you shocked,
Screwed up your business plan.

Yet thy dark news telleth,
To every Poolie fan,
The dreads and fears of many years,
Continue to go on.

52 Once in Dimi's Smoggie City

Once in Dimi's Smoggie city,
Stood a lowly empty shop,
Where a goalie built a restaurant,
To serve Greek food, a tenner a pop.

     The first of many, to hear him talk,
     He wants to run before he can walk

63  While Poolies Watched

While Poolies watched the clock by night
With five mins left to play
They nervously looked at the bench
Please, no more subs today

For they had seen it all before
Defence is coping well
They make a change and straight away
The whole thing goes to hell


68  The First Newell

The first Newell knew of what we had done
Was when he'd left the pitch after Scunny had won
They not only won, they with us wiped the floor
So being promoted was a shock that's for sure

     Newell, Newell, Newell, Newell
     Got us promoted, but he couldn't tell

     Newell, Newell, Newell, Newell
     For losing that championship we gave him hell

74  See Amid the January Snow
See amid the January snow
Transfer window, off we go
Pools won't join the frantic quest
Think their squad will stand the test

     We think that it's all hype and spin
     We think their cashbox has nowt in
     They haven't got a penny left
     Of cash for players they're bereft

78 Away Wins Spell Danger

Away wins spell danger
It has to be said
You think you're world-beaters
And it goes to your head

And next week you will prove that
It's no flash in the pan
But your opposition
Has a different plan

93 The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the ... day of Christmas my true love sent to me:
1   a monkey that hung from a tree
2   two Pools gloves and
3   three Shearer paintings
4   four season tickets
5   ...five phones that ring
6   six ketchup sachets
7   seven ancient programmes
8   eight ticket stubs
9   nine plastic pintpots
10 ten Monkey Bizzes
11 eleven lottery tickets
12 twelve months of grief