November 04, 2016

Dear Vicki

Dear Vicki


Monkey Business agony aunt VICKI PARK returns with help for troubled souls



Dear Vicki
I was a successful football manager at a fairly high level who was headhunted to take the reins at one of the top clubs in the world. That didn't work out and now I'm managing a team languishing at the bottom of its league. After a couple of failures, my career is in tatters. Should I do the decent thing, admit I'm not going to turn things round and resign, or should I sit tight and take the money when they inevitably sack me?

DM Sunderland

Dear DM,
There's all sorts of questions in play here. Do I want the money? Can the club afford to pay me off? Do I value my future career? When will I retire? Do I do what's best for the club? Are the fans demanding I be sacked? 

Only you can say which question is most important to you. I know that the obvious answer, one which makes all the above questions redundant, is to get some better players, but that is easier said than done. 

However, if you do decide to throw in the towel, with the writing already being on the wall, perhaps you should just wait a little longer until it appears on a banner towed behind a plane. 
Vicki

Dear Vicki,
I am am a foreign Premier League manager who recently moved to a top team after two spells managing one of its main rivals. I'm living out of a suitcase in a hotel and my family have refused to move from London. 

I used to be popular with the media for my forthright views but have recently been ignored and I've become a bit of a grump. How do you think I can do something about it?
JM Manchester

Dear JM,
You aren't the first and you won't be the last football manager to go the same way. Brian Clough and Malcolm Allison were both similar characters who were media darlings for a few years, but the media latches on to certain people for a while but then gets bored with them. You just have to live with the fact that your media star has waned.

Becoming a grump is more of a worry. That tells me that you are not a happy person, that things are not right in your life. Perhaps you ought to take up some alternative therapies to bring you back to your old self, such as mindfulness, yoga or tai-chi. Waving your arms about can do wonders for your state of mind. Sir Alex Ferguson swore by it (or was that swore with it?)
Vicki

Dear Vicki
I am a former top football administrator who has become increasingly disillusoned with the sport of late. I am still in my prime and have much more to give to the sporting world so can you recommend any other sports that might be able to use my considerable experience?
SB Switzerland

Dear SB,
I would think that some of the more minor games might well benefit from considerable experience like yours. With energy and determination I'm sure that tiddlywinks and marbles could be the big sports of the future. Who knows, perhaps in a few years we may yet see 100,000 seater Marbledromes popping up all over the world. And with its brightly coloured equipment, tiddlywinks could be a natural for television - just think of all the money that could bring in.
Vicki